@mrace_ventura: "Did you do your homework?" "Did you grade my test?" "I have other student's tests to grade." "I have other teacher's homework to do."
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@RaisingOneBrow: George W Bush kept us safe just like how abstinence education kept Bristol Palin unpregnant.
@ndmckeown: I keep my friends clothes and my enemies toaster. As a result, they're now all my enemies, but they're naked & having cereal for brekkie.
@CatherineLMK: Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
@hippieswordfish: before guns were invented, armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit out until the next war