@9GAG: "Did you just fall?" "No. I attacked the floor." "Backwards?" "I'm freaking talented!"
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@Kim_pulsive: I'd rather be hit in the face with a shit-filled sock than to ever attempt helping my parents install a DVD player over the phone again
@hazelmotes1: Today I learned that pouring water on someone who is sleeping under an electric blanket won't electrocute them. It will only make them angry