@SCbchbum: Did you know if you send a fancy iPhone emoticon to a non-iPhone user, it just shows up as a middle finger?
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@mattwhitlockPM: This girl tweeted "You might be ghetto if you bring outside food into the movies." ...No, you might be stupid if you pay 4.99 for Skittles.
@causticbob: I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym earlier I've decided I'm never going again.
@Tommytoughstuff: Is that a banana in your pocket or... oh wait that is a banana. Sir I'm with super market security. Please come with me.
@Kyle_Lippert: Coming soon to NBC: She's a lawyer who, you guessed it, doesn't play by the rules. And he's a doctor who, right again, pees sitting down.