@SCbchbum: Did you know if you send a fancy iPhone emoticon to a non-iPhone user, it just shows up as a middle finger?
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@SlipperySecret: Guy knocking on bathroom door after sex: I think I love you. Me stringing tampons together, making a rope to climb out the window: Okay....
@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
@pauleggleston: I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!