@suzieQ0007: Did you know Lysol kills 99.9% of germs & my toothpaste has tartar control? You would too if you sat in my bathroom without your phone.
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@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.
@TheBoydP: Guys, when she complains about something you didn't do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok! You're welcome!
@Eric_Bader: Got laid twice in two days so either I've done something really good or my wife has done something really bad.
@Breadery: I scream. You scream. We all scream. This fancy wine bars toilet gender signs were unclear.