@WheelTod: Did you know statistically you're more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a breadknife
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@BriarSlyMadness: If you're ever attacked by a mob of angry Vegans... ...don't worry about it. They're too weak to hurt you.
@rad_milk: i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead
@SwoonTwang: If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
@jjhartinger: I went to the Gym and the power went out. I whispered, "thank you baby jesus" and left.