@lynnbixenspan: Did you know that by today's standards Marilyn Monroe would be considered dead?
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@TuffyNyC: I'm responsible for the deaths of 100's local singles in my area. They were dying to meet me & I did nothing. I did nothing!
@MariyaAlexander: I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it
@SortaBad: Taco Bell manager: I'm sorry, you didn't get the job. It's your drug test Me: so you mean... Manager: yes, you passed. Get high & re-apply
@SatansTongue: *el chapo dies* God: okay I'm gonna have to send you to hell Chapo: ok *3 weeks later* Angel: El Chapo has escaped from hell