@Chloestylo: Did you know that nuns have to eat a banana with a knife and fork?
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@cosminaut: I'm pretty big on body art *pulls up sleeve to reveal tattoo of a hoof with "Hoof-arted" written underneath*
@TheHyyyype: ME: seen the loch ness monster? HER: it's not real M: *unzips pants* wanna bet? H: *rolls eyes* sure M: k i'll pee and then we'll google it
@tastefactory: I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*
@1followernodad: [at a bar] *creepy dude is hitting on me* Me: you wanna get outta here? Him: yeah Me: cool. I would love it if you left.