@StellaRtwot: Did you know that there is a little lonely man inside automatic towel dispensers that gives you a towel because he's happy you waved to him?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JB4Realz: [creating humans] GOD: Make them imperfect... ANGEL: Okay...done... GOD: Now make them apologize to Me all the time for being imperfect.
@jergarl: "You're an idiot." -My wife, after frantically looking around after I scream the word "HAY!" while pointing at hay for the millionth time.
@curlycomedy: Someone accused me of spending too much time on the Internet. I don't know what to say. I am so full of emoticons right now.
@AbrasiveGhost: ME: [on the phone] Plz come home from work WIFE: Why ME: Theres a spider in the bathroom WIFE: so kill it ME:[whispering] its got my gun