@StellaRtwot: Did you know that there is a little lonely man inside automatic towel dispensers that gives you a towel because he's happy you waved to him?
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@AGreaterMonster: A firm handshake and a kiss on the neck is how I like to close my job interviews. Nailed it!
@KentWGraham: I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
@Mikecanrant: Think about a nice pair of slacks. Now think about a panda. Now about radishes. Now about salt. I think you see where Im going with this.
@iscoff: [Guy on the Death Star who's really sick of hearing Vader's breathing but is too scared to say anything]: I'm going to put on some music