@EvanJKessler: Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you're not being arrested?
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@NoTheOtherJohn: [God is taking a nap] Prankster Angel: Um yea hi, Abraham? This is God. *trying super hard not to laugh* You need to kill your son.
@illuminatedwndr: I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
@POTerritory: Editor: You wrote a play about Victorian England using menstrual blood as ink? Me: Yes, it's a period piece.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: What's the score, who's winning? Therapist: Ok so that's really not how couples counseling works.