@EvanJKessler: Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you're not being arrested?
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@NOTVIKING: date: i think my eyebrows are my worst feature me: [trying to compliment her] not true, you have many worse features
@Man_wonders: Group- "Can believe Jesus just turned water into wine?!" Me- *cutting up lines of table salt* "hey um, Jesus... soo can you do me a favor?"
@shkeeber: "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No you hang up" *slams phone* Why do I keep calling that parrot?!
@BryMastas: Life's most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.