@BuckyIsotope: Did your date order honey for dinner? Did your date eat the waiter when he brought the honey? Is your date a bear? You are dating a bear.
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@EndhooS: Wife: He's just so literal all of the time, he gets so confused Psychiatrist: Is this true? Me: [worried] Are u really gonna make me shrink?
@murrman5: [roommate hears me come in] "how was the date?" [face sucked back and teeth showing like im skydiving] apparently, I'm allergic to shellfish
@Underchilde: I'm sorry but shits and giggles don't sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.