@ventivodkacran: Dinosaurs never had peanut butter and jelly and they all died.
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@platinum2000: You don't have to seduce me with restraining orders and joyrides on the hood of your car, you had me at. "No, I was waving at my friend."
@InternetHippo: OBAMA IS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS!! ME: OMG *clutches guns* [7 years later] ME (frustratedly checking my watch): This guy is taking forever
@jonnysun: dumbledore: our enchanted ceiling shows us wat the sky outside looks like mcgonagall: so…a magic glass ceiling dumbledore: [starts sweating]
@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night