@ventivodkacran: Dinosaurs never had peanut butter and jelly and they all died.
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@kyle_thatisall: Good night cop: Want the light on or off? Sweet dreams kiddo. Bad night cop: You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep.
@Ideal_Victoria: If I’m suddenly acting really nice to you, chances are it’s only because I want what you’re eating.
@SteveSuckington: [comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?