@AmishPornStar1: Directions on tooth whitener say avoid coffee, red wine and cola. If I could do that, why would I need whitener?
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@SuperTeeWhy: Ouija board just told me it's still waiting on a grandbaby and I was like lol Mom when did you die
@theshamingofjay: 2065 *puts cell phone in radiation free charging box* "You know we used to sleep with these right by our heads" 3 eyed grandson "really?"
@WilliamAder: If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
@citizenkawala: People are impressed by the guy who arrives in a Ferrari. But they remember the guy who shows up on a pogo stick.