@armyVet1972: Divide and conquer? Ok. *opens calculator app*
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@_davidlucas_: So it's okay for the cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors turn up. But when I do it, I'm "antisocial". I call bullshit.
@splendidcynic: My Grandma saw all of your tweets about stepping on Legos & asked if any of you cream puffs have ever heard of a game called Jacks?
@WorkingMom86: My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that
@Brianhopecomedy: *takes selfie, sends to wife* Wife: "No." *takes pants off* *tries on another pair in The Gap change room* *takes selfie, sends to wife*