@theshamingofjay: Divorce is like hitting the reset button on Super Mario Bros except now you pay for the Princess's castle and hope Bowser kills you.
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@DannyZuker: Bet they weed out lots of people at big city detective school in the jump off building/land on roof of another building class.
@FlashShumway: Sorry man I cant come over. Im busy playing nunchucks "Dont you mean playing WITH nunchucks?" No? *tosses another nun off the overpass*
@OkieGirl405: I changed my relationship status to "I'm sharpening my knives" on Facebook so my boyfriend's family will never come visit
@_definitlymaybe: My spirit animal just ran into a glass door.
@Jarhead44: If I win the Powerball, I'm going to make golf illegal.
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