@briangaar: Divorce is when you tell someone: Hey I know you better than anyone else on Earth and I'm gonna take a pass
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@PaperWash: GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing *i dance beautifully for 12 minutes* GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
@NYC_Blonde: If you say "I don't feel good" and a pregnant woman says "Me neither," DO NOT respond with "Yeah, but you chose this for yourself..."
@Rollmaninoz: *school reunion* Guy: Reporter is cool I spose. I became a doctor so I could actually help people ya know Clark Kent: *fist clenched* mmm hm