@rickygervais: Do let me know if you're ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You're welcome :)
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@RobDenBleyker: Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can't Believe It's Not 1860.
@TheHyyyype: CONDUCTOR: all aboard! ME: i'm pretty bored CONDUCTOR: no, i meant everyone on the train ME: oh, i'm sure they're bored too
@DamienFahey: 70% of the Earth's surface is water. The other 30% is covered in advertisements for The Blacklist.