@fuzzlime: Do not underestimate me. 16 just dared me to eat the fish food. It's freeze-dried worms. Wasn't bad. I'm hungry.
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@jwoodham: Most people don't know this, but the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they lost their damn minds.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [dog wedding] [Bride throws bouquet into crowd] [Groom catches it, gives it back to Bride] [Bride throws bouquet again] [Groom catches..
@osigat: ? Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be... ? Wait, hang on...my bad, those are vultures.
@BoozeWallet: *opens kitchen garbage to discover there's no bag in it* *walks 6 miles to gas station to throw out kleenex rather than putting new bag in*