@fuzzlime: Do not underestimate me. 16 just dared me to eat the fish food. It's freeze-dried worms. Wasn't bad. I'm hungry.
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@simoncholland: Me: You know, one nice thing about being snowed in all weekend is we haven't had to spend any money. Wife: (clicking add to cart) So nice.
@TheresNoGodzila: Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun
@rolldiggity: A fun prank if your roommate is a cartoon character is to draw clothes on the mirror so he leaves the house not realizing he's naked.
@jwoodham: Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone.