@TheBigBatman: Do you ever get shampoo in your eyes and wonder what the name of your guide dog will be?
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@thejamietighe: In a car crash a dog would rescue you. However a cat would pour liquor over your face and testify against you in court.
@AnkCoupleTO: If my mom had just faked having a headache I wouldn't be writing this bullshit on the internet right now
@DaddyJew: Judge: do you have a lawyer or will you be representing yourself? Me: *adjusts tie* neither your honor *a sock puppet slowly emerges from my briefcase*
@EJGomez: trump: ban muslims jeb bush: i disagree. just like dad would. who used to be president ben carson: how did spongebob make fire underwater