@TheBigBatman: Do you ever get shampoo in your eyes and wonder what the name of your guide dog will be?
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@outsmartedmommy: Marriage after kids is basically two zookeepers arguing about who has to clean up the monkey poop on a daily basis.
@clindsaysway: Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying.
@Nikkeya08: We're just two people shitting in side by side stalls waiting for the other person to go out so we don't have to show our face