@murrman5: do you have any idea how fast you were going?
"no, I'm not wearing my contacts"
@CoolCamel69: *pulls out stack of pancakes and completely stuffs mouth during interview*
Nexft queffstun pleeazse
"Umm. Your biggest weakness?"
PRISONER: what's for breakfast
GUARD: every meal is bread & water
PRISONER: [is a duck] oh baby
@Brentweets: Twitter is like a dorm, someone is always up at every hour, someone is crying and someone is drunk.
@StarWarsProblms: Leia: You owe child support.
Han: What? I'm in hyperspace.
Leia: You're standing right here
Han: *makes hyperdrive noises with his mouth*
@loribuckmajor: Have a baby hold your cigarette for a minute
and everybody loses their shit!