@murrman5: do you have any idea how fast you were going?
"no, I'm not wearing my contacts"
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I'm too dumb to understand what it means.
Let's see how he likes the name Microphallus
@markleggett: ACTORS: It's easy to appear blind. Look near but never at someone when you talk to them, and if anyone says "Did you see that?" say "Nope".
@PJTLynch: That sinking feeling when you realize you forgot to lock your clubhouse when you were 8, and it's probably all infested now with girls
@NikiWithIssues: I hate airplanes and flying. It's like someone throwing a can full of people over the ocean and hoping someone in Europe will catch it.
@Smooheed: Standing behind a hot guy on a treadmill saying 'don't worry baby, I'll catch you if you fall' makes him run for a really really long time