@hipstermermaid: Do you like Taco Bell? Then you'll LOVE real food!
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@o__0Dev: Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he’s being told where to deliver the ransom money.
@AndrewChamings: [proctologist’s office] ME: *unzipping pants nervously* PROCTOLOGIST: You're nervous, that's normal, but please zip my pants back up.
@trojansauce: [my fitness dvd] ME: *lifting cans of soup as weights* im using minestrone but you can use pretty much any kind