@hipstermermaid: Do you like Taco Bell? Then you'll LOVE real food!
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@TheAverageShark: Swim swim swim breach surface fly through air catch seagull swim nom nom nom swim swim
@InternetHippo: [greeting aliens] Hello, we are the smartest animals on this planet. Every week we give the grass a little haircut
@SteussieErica: FACT: Had kids for one reason; to send them to the basement for paper towels when I run out of them in the kitchen. It's scary down there.
@MisterBombay: I once dated a woman named Kim who hated to be called Kimberly. Then I dated a woman named Chelsea who really hated to be called Kimberly