@osigat: ? Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be... ? Wait, hang on...my bad, those are vultures.

@Cidisn: *turns around in chair dramatically* Hello... *chair turns around again* ...I've been expecting you... *again* ..., Repair-Man.

@mjm866: My two year old just learned to say shut up. Coincidentally I just lost all guilt about clothes lining a toddler.

@ThisOneSayz: Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they'll materialize out of nowhere.

@TheSwanDon: So my dad was all "stop eating my pills" and then I was like "stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp"