@Humor_Fetish: "Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight...? You're so radical!" How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend
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@AndyAsAdjective: Stuck behind a school bus & locked in an intense staring contest w/ a kid at the back. I'm 45 min. off course but I'm not gonna let him win.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: A watched pot never boils. Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Try turning on the stove, idiot.
@Ohaiqtpie: On a poster in my math class "4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions" The sad thing is my first thought was "Oh good, I'm not alone!"
@RidiculousSheri: I can't afford Ugg boots, so I just never shave below the knee to create the illusion that I'm wearing them.