@TheBoydP: *mom puts teen’s clean clothes at bottom of the stairs* Mom meaning: Take up stairs, put away Teen meaning: Obstacle course on the stairs!

@FrameGangCo: If you're his dealer @ me

@d_duhwit: Octopus 1:" Woah. There's an arm just swimming by itself." Octopus 2:" that's an eel you idiot."

@man_spach: Went gluten-free and already lost 15 friends in the first week!

@jonnysun: im more than just a birth year and a death year so my tombstone will instead be engraved with a handful of random years i remember enjoying