@howe007: Doctor: tell me everything you told the nurse 5 minutes ago.
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@LindseyEllison2: If you like to speak in different languages while high off marijuana, you're probably Rosetta Stoned.
@Playing_Dad: [At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.
@ErikGators: Why does my wife think its weird I talk to a bunch of strangers on the Internet, but it's ok for her to talk to multiple cats.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Hey lady, you can't park there. Her: I'm just running into Starbucks. Me: Oh shit, my bad. Laws don't apply to you then.