@howe007: Doctor: tell me everything you told the nurse 5 minutes ago.
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@PaulyPeligroso: 90 years from now, they'll sing songs about the courage and bravery you displayed during the great "Instagram Selling Your Photos" skirmish.
@david8hughes: Customer: is it 4 wheel drive? Me [counting the wheels]: yeah Customer: no like can it go off-road? Me [looking around showroom]: well yeah
@bonehugsnirony: me: [thinking] I don’t want kids my mom: [2000 miles away gets a mental notification and texts me] how could you do this to me?
@notalogin: Girl are you a prescription from my doctor 'cause you might be good for me but I can't read you at all.