@howe007: Doctor: tell me everything you told the nurse 5 minutes ago.
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@AntiSemanticShw: In my life Ive spent 90% of my money on drugs, drinking and women. The other 10% I wasted.
@awesomeseank: Anyone who shows up late to work, wearing shades and clutching a Gatorade is about to tell a lie.
@bridger_w: When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost
@adultblackmale: [i walk up to a woman wearing headphones and take them off her and put them on] nice this song rules. what? sorry, can't talk. headphones on