@KeetPotato: doctors before an x-ray be like "dont worry this is perfectly safe" and then the dude goes to egypt to press a button
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@samalmightysam: I T H I N K W E S H O U L D R U I N P E O P L E S T I M E L I N E B Y T W E E T I N G L I K E T H I S A L L D A Y . . . . .
@sixfootcandy: I just left a pregnancy test box in my brother's bathroom to mess with him and his new girlfriend.
@RunwayDan: Airbags should deploy in the form of balloon animals. Sure, you've been in an accident, but now you have a whimsical puppy dog.
@jharden21: teacher: i'm considering moving the test to next week. you guys down with that? me (too loud): down like the dog at the end of marley & me!