@KeetPotato: doctors before an x-ray be like "dont worry this is perfectly safe" and then the dude goes to egypt to press a button
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@SufficientCharm: My man wants me to understand him better so I'm not getting my mustache waxed this month.
@MichaelTrying: "I maintain an elaborate system of thousands of solar panels, but once a year I throw them away because screw it I'll make more." -Trees
@PajamaStew: Bad Coroner: This guy you brought in a few days ago, I think I know how he died. The last thing he ate was spaghetti with bullets in it.
@RhinoUR: Buys valentine. Writes "I love you" inside. Mails card to self. Receives card in mail. Reads card. "Eww, why do I attract losers?"