@EricGoldie: Does Adam Sandler know that he's allowed to turn down movie roles?
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@SuperRandomish: I imagine the best part about driving a smart car is that when there's no parking spots you can just put it in your backpack.
@brentcetera: SO AFTER I CAUGHT HER CHEATING ON ME I WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE AND DIE. ANYWAY MY NAME’S TOM AND I’LL BE YOUR TANDEM PARACHUTE PARTNER
@Underchilde: Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby’s mouth when you couldn’t find a pacifier.