@ComedyCarter: Does any one know a program that converts mp3's into Nutella?
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@novicefather: I'm at my most audacious and brazen when I shamelessly use words like audacious and brazen.
@crunchenhanced: For valentine’s day, I’m taking my wife to see “50 Shades”. How long is the movie? I need to know what time to pick her up.
@gobmentcheese: The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.
@ObscureGent: My daughter says she saw a demon in her room. I'm tweeting this from the safety of my office wishing her a lot of luck.