@AK_Holica: Does anyone else's belt turn into a Rubik's cube when they have to piss like a racehorse?
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@ValeeGrrl: Husband said, "If you were really THAT funny you wouldn't have to always say COME ON, THAT WAS FUNNY." So now I have a tombstone to select
@jakob_huber: Hi, I'd like to order a baby "Excuse me?" It says here you deliver babies? "Sir this is a hospital" [vampire quickly hangs up phone]
@KyleMcDowell86: [commercial for mops] *scene of a man licking up a pool of spilled soda off the dirty floor* "There has to be a better way" Narrator:MOPS
@frenchielaboozi: seems like you must have been preeeetty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s