@AK_Holica: Does anyone else's belt turn into a Rubik's cube when they have to piss like a racehorse?
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@Rollinintheseat: Please, keep trying unsuccessfully to suck the snot back up in your nose instead of using a tissue. Everyone loves the noise you're making.
@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me I have no money everywhere
@WheelTod: Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they'd be only 11.5 inches tall?