@Slygirl08: "Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
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@junejuly12: Still wake up in a cold sweat thinking about my love note that was passed to the wrong boy in kindergarten.
@DaddyJew: [buying college textbooks] That'll be 100 million dollars [returning college textbooks] We can give you half off on this pencil case
@HiddenPinky: Buddhist Monk sees kid in Nirvana t-shirt: "You like Nirvana? What's your favorite step on the 8-fold Path?" Kid: Nevermind "Yeah, me, too."