@Slygirl08: "Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
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@CharmandBrains: *Throws all 900 baby items in garbage* *Buys Magic 8 Ball* *Whispers*, This is how we raise you now.
@BenjaminJS: Martin Shkreli at prison commissary: "Can I buy shower sandals?" "That'll be $700" "I thought it was $13.50" "The price suddenly went up"
@DopeyMeme: Emailing teachers be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: "sure" -sent from my iPhone