@desi_princess: Does Target have crack floating through their air vents? Went in to buy milk, came out with a giraffe, 6-pack, someone's kid, and a headache
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@TheFraudMallu: My grandmother reads obituary column in the newspaper everyday. It is pretty much like searching for your childhood friends on Facebook.
@Caissie: I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
@daemonic3: [at TED talk] OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor? *entire crowd stands* No a MEDICAL doctor *entire crowd sits*
@MoistPork: "He's a jerk. I'm over him anyway. (5 minutes later) Ooh, he texted! I want to have his babies!" -Women