@chrissyteigen: Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug
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@onion_an: Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please Waitress [slaps my face]: The men I please, that's none of your business
@Duke1173: *moonwalks into office* *draws dual finger guns* *fires off seven shots at Annie from HR* *holsters guns* *gets chosen for random drug test*
@Boobzillaz: Where does the Easter Bunny lay his eggs?! In the grass.. So WHAT DO WE SMOKE TO CELEBRATE?! [all the children] Grass?? Yessssss.
@jinkee: if you're hiding from a deranged killer and forget to put your phone on silent, at least make the ringtone the benny hill theme.