@chrissyteigen: Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug
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@juicymorsel: Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she "couldn't make it in to work." This is called managing upwards, people.
@TeejayRush: Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces... For example, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it may be closed...
@Sanbel11: When a husband asks you if you think it's possible to love someone forever... "If I find the right person" is apparently the wrong answer.