@fillthevacuum: Doggy day care is like a regular day care except you have to enter from the rear.
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@sarcasm_inc: Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper.
@KevinFarzad: According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet
@TheTweetOfGod: The people in charge of hell sometimes visit North Korea just to exchange ideas.