@fillthevacuum: Doggy day care is like a regular day care except you have to enter from the rear.
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@robotrowboat: David Bowie: We can be heroes Me: No thanks David Bowie: Just for one— Me: I said I’m not interested
@TankCesar: *murderer looking for me* Murderer: I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me... Me under bed: *cry sings* He's just a poor boy from a poor family
@TheDairylandDon: I don't trust the so-called "mainstream media." I get news from ouija boards and an angry owl living in the woods on the outskirts of town.
@highwaytohelv: I'm getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there's a bunch of unfed cats out there.