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Dog: *spits out pill*
@WilliamAder: Wile E. Coyote's Amazon reviews of Acme products are pretty scathing.
@CrazyUncIeJoe: I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."
@rockymomax: Cop: You doin drugs?
Cop: Whatya smokin?
Cop: THATS DOING DRUGS
"Ohh I thought you meant like [whispers] having sex with drugs"
@weinerdog4life: I just ran over a tree, a 5'2" blonde screaming tree with a purse.
@JoeyRation: I have feelings for you. Please take them and leave.