@buhsbaby_baby: Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don't like.
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@moooooog35: Wife [walking into house]: Ummm.. Me: [recreating "You Better Shape Up Scene" from Grease with my dog dressed as Sandy]: You're home early.
@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
@markhoppus: Someone a few houses over is having a party. I can hear the music and laughter and people enjoying themselves. I'm calling the damn cops.