@daveexplosm: Dogs lick each other's butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
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@De_ja_vu_who: I peel my underwear off as you watch me & then hand it to you, Smiling You know what's coming next.. It's your turn to do the laundry
@mattgallo123: House arrest? You mean permission to excuse myself from social interaction? Oh no, judge. Please don't.
@shadygeekdad: I want to be a host at a restaurant so if someone asks for a booth I can yell, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOTH!"
@ArfMeasures: [Me as a hairdresser] ME: What do u think of your haircut HER: I need more volume ME [leans in too close] WHAT DO U THINK OF YOUR HAIRCUT