@ms_woodsy: Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
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@mrtruthandsoul: Boss: You're not fired but we're taking away all your responsibilities. Me: Cool, a promotion! Boss: No-- Me: Sounds like a promotion to me.
@FuckabillyRex: Her: Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Me: It's a meatball sub and I'm happy as long as I don't have to share
@ComedicBust: I was excited when my GF asked me to dress up as the cable guy, until I spent the next 3 hours on the roof, trying to fix the satellite dish