@BadJordon: Dominos just called to let me know my pizza's on the way. They correctly assumed I'd need time to find my pants.
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@LindaInDisguise: After sitting in the labor and delivery waiting room chairs for 12 hours, I need an epidural as much as those women in labor do.
@pattymo: Sinbad isn’t just a comedian’s name - it’s also an extremely short summary of The Bible
@karencheee: Why do people say children are the future? They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.
@shariv67: I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death.