@Rollinintheseat: Donald Trump always looks like he's trying to apply lip gloss in a rear view mirror.
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@iAmDelFreaky: I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man. Then sad again because we had sex.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Febreze commercial: "Now we remove her blindfold and..." *has panic attack, stabs camera man, vomits, jumps out closed window*
@murrman5: "you're too polite" I am not [two weeks earlier while my house is being robbed] sorry he doesn't usually bark at strangers