@XplodingUnicorn: Donald Trump's chief speechwriter is a random deck from Cards Against Humanity.
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@hammbone84: If you guys don't start appreciating my tweets, I will introduce my mom to Twitter. Don't make me ruin this for everyone.
@djdarrellripley: Doctor: Alright, your gonna feel a little prick on your hand. Me: If I feel a little prick on my hand somebody's getting sued...
@Sassafrantz: Friday always feels like Wile E. Coyote running off the cliff and Monday is when he looks down.