@timdonakowski: Don’t assume Wal-Mart sells walls. Unless you want an argument about existential reality with an 85-year-old greeter.
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@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early? Me: Because we have had enough of you for today
@AverageCorners: My sleeping pills say to take them and immediately go to bed, but I feel like I have plenty of time, so km ufmcmszbv ishzn hdu flerf.
@HomeProbably: What do you call a man who does all the cooking, cleaning and washing without complaint? Single.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at movie theatre] Wife: Shhhhhhhhhhh Son: ... Daughter: ... Me (whispers): ...it