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@1evilidiot: Don't be fooled by looks, butterflies taste just like moths.
@notalogin: After the hipster got his girl pregnant, he wouldn't shut up about how he was into her before she got big.
@illuminatedwndr: Siri's on her period. she needs an iPad
@roggyie: Twitter: Where if the chemistry's good, the geography won't be..
@LOVELADONNIS: Woman on the plane just asked her crying son "are you gonna be a gangsta or a crybaby" I'm like damn are these the only options?
@DirtMcTurd: Son: can I get lunch money
Dad: I have a boyfriend