@1evilidiot: Don't be fooled by looks, butterflies taste just like moths.
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@Eightinchgoat: I think I'm gonna shave my legs so that there's less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
@pauldame: Man: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Man: "Then why did you tell me?"
@sofarrsogud: 3 AM BRAIN: You awake? ME: I am now! B: I was wondering.. M: B: Did the inventor of the elasticated waistband get the Nobelt Prize?
@iheartgunts: I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards.