@I_Bl33d_Purple: Don't be sad dirty dishes, nobody's doing me either.
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@ceejoyner: If you don't like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He's gone now.
@SlappNuttz: My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Twitter. So, sadly this will be my last tweet, where I mention having a wife.
@Demented_Jokes: My son cried when I gave him his breakfast this morning. I made him scrambled eggs, covered them in ketchup & told him it was Humpty Dumpty.