@theyearofelan: Don't be sad when your exes unfollow you. It just means they'll spend more time manually checking your updates
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@CheryeDavis: This guy must really want to impress me with his endurance skills. Because when I asked if he wanted a ride, he said "No thanks I'll walk"
@EmergencyQB: How much do you want to bet that the inventor of the Lazy Susan has an ex-wife named Susan?
@Discourt: Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch.
@iBrowniEd: Saw a Justin Bieber CD taped to a wall. You better believe I took it, you never know when you will need a piece of tape.