@novicefather: Don't be that crazy person who collects cats. Collect something else instead like toenails.
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@ChipKellysBalls: House is a mess ... Walked in the other day and there were 2 people on the couch blindfolded and filming a Fabreeze commercial
@CatherineLMK: Be warned, person who set of a whole bunch of fireworks at 4 am--you've made a minimally powerful enemy.
@fro_vo: Cop: we have you surrounded! Get down on the ground now! Cardboard Man: sigh not again *cops start breakdancing*
@david8hughes: Interviewer: says here you're a sniper Me [opening gun case]: affirmative Interviewer: is that a Supersoaker with a Pringles can taped to it