@novicefather: Don't be that crazy person who collects cats. Collect something else instead like toenails.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Tommytoughstuff: [the cops release the cadaver sniffing dogs into my living room for the third time this week] ME: *pauses netflix* I told you I'm not dead!
@nyctwon: I feel creepy every time I 'follow' someone. Where are they going to take me? I hope its somewhere good
@Lerky: Me: you're like heroin. Her: Why? Because you're addicted to me? Me: No, because you're ruining my life.