@Sassafrantz: Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
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@ThaJawn: Interviewer: You're hired.. Me: Thank you so much! You won't live to regret this.. Interviewer: What? Me: huh?
@TheDjinnTrials: If used correctly, Twitter can be used as an antidepressant. Just don't take it as a suppository.
@BoozeWallet: I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos.