@Sassafrantz: Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@funflaps: lawyer: your husband said he wanted his body to be embalmed like an egyptian mummy me: yes, I've abided by his wishes lawyer: he meant for you to do it after he died
@therealeatwood: [Someone spills a liquid] ME: [authoritative, like a surgeon] Get me some wet paper towels… [raising one eyebrow] AND some dry paper towels
@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
@Ryan_Patricks: Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.