@KaylarWill: It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus

@cat_beltane: "so what did you do before self-driving cars?" "we just drove 'em ourselves!" "wow, no one died that way?" "oh no, millions of people died"

@TheBoydP: Whoever said that collectively women are the fair sex obviously didn't understand the meaning of fair, or women, or maybe even sex...

@I_am_Devana: I cannot handle my parents 😭😭😭😂😂

@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.