@attheUC: Relationship status:
-Applies sunscreen to wall.
-Rubs back on wall.
@AngelaEhh: My dentist said I have a very wet mouth.
*Updates dating profile.
@envydatropic: I've been on my best behavior ever since the words "you can be charged as an adult" applied to me
@mjkspeaks: Told my kid that he had a viral infection and now he’s excited because he thinks he’s going to be famous online.
@cynicanoldicus: On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.
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