@emceej: Don't forget to smile today, but not that creepy smile that makes us all wonder how many bodies are buried in your yard.
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@samfromks: *Holds centipede up to your cheek as you're sleeping and whispers* Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet...
@TuSoonShakur: Jeez, try to cash in the “one free back rub” coupon your high school girlfriend gave you on your 15th birthday and her husband gets all apoplectic. There was no expiration date, Carl.