@emceej: Don't forget to smile today, but not that creepy smile that makes us all wonder how many bodies are buried in your yard.
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@KingPatrick24: The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
@Lowenaffchen: Katana is Japanese for "sword". In Japan they have great respect for swords and their moms dont knock them off the wall while vacuuming
@leechee420: Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
@AndrewNadeau0: WebMD: You have cancer. Me: No, I feel fine. I clicked you by mistake. WebMD: And good thing you did... Cuz of the cancer.