@bornmiserable: "Don't get any ideas." - Worn out light bulb
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@Henry_3k: You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to "sit".
@CornOnTheGoblin: [God wakes up] oh man i am hungover, what'd i do last night? [sees that goats have the ability to scream now] haha oh yea
@AlexRogaski: Michael Cera forgets to do laundry and has to wear a doctor costume to the hospital. He's too shy to refuse people and performs 3 surgeries.
@AimeeHelene1: Can someone wake me up when this nightmare is over? *lies on floor, closes eyes tight* (in customer service line at Walmart)