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@bornmiserable: "Don't get any ideas." - Worn out light bulb
@DaddyJew: Sorry I ruined your surprise party by telling everyone it was an intervention
@heatherlou_: I almost confused a laxative and Ibuprofen and that would have changed my plans for the evening significantly
@lovemyboots111: Sarcasm :
Because life doesn't come with a free "stay out of jail card"
@AKcrazy18: Tornadoes and marriage are alike, because they both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
@VirgoSherry: My grandmother told me the secret to staying thin is.......if it tastes good spit it out.