@DaddyJew: Don't get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid.
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@QwertyJones3: If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just announce that there's free food by the stairs.
@FunkyFresh_79: [Star Wars Episode VII scene] Princess Leia: I love you Han. Han Solo: *favs but doesn't reply*
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun.
@XplodingUnicorn: I don’t feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me.