@werehedgehog: Don't go chasing waterfalls. *turns on tap* We have their children. They will come to us.
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@gingerfaced: I wish snacks could talk so they could verify my whereabouts from 1 am to 3 am this morning.
@Dildo_Hitler: *sees Arnold Schwarzenegger working at Walmart* "hey Arnold, kitchen appliances are toward the back of aisle B right?" "YES. AISLE B, BACK"
@Mikecanrant: I'm not racist. I hate all races equally. Especially the 100 meter dash. All short and Olympickish.
@alfageeek: When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.