@Just_Lee_: Don't hate the player, play the player. They never see that coming.
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@SoVeryBritish: Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass
@Darlainky: -That toaster oven looks worn out. Why are you still using it? -Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times.
@FunnyJokeBook: Parents: "Why don't you come socialize with the family?" Me: *sits with family* *gets insulted by entire family* *goes back to bedroom*
@Cpin42: I hate when I show up to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same hot dog costume.