@Just_Lee_: Don't hate the player, play the player. They never see that coming.
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@Scdavis24: Sometimes I think I'm a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
@illiter8too: Don't fight your demons: invite them in, nurture them, fuel their unholy power, get them to destroy your enemies, take them bowling.
@PimpleEye: Thanks for the Facebook invite to your wedding cheapass. Please enjoy this FarmVille mystery gift on the occasion of your marriage.
@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...